I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
