I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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