I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
