I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
