he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
