I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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