You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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