I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
