I want to walk on stilts...naked
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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