OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
