I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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