Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
