I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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