so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
