i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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