Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
