Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
