I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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