Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
