nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
