where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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