I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
