My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
