Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
