There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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