threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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