you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
