I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
