Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
