Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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