I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
