woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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