just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
