true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
