Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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