u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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