oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
