I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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