i need an iv and a liver transplant
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
