I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
