i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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