i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
