so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
