where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So squirting runs in the family.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
