I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
