Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
