i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
