Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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