I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
