Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
