i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well you can't waste a boner
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
