Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
