I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
