I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
