Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So squirting runs in the family.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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