found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
