I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
