yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
