have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
