why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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