please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
