Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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