dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
