He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
