can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
