omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
