i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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